So this whole infertility thing is bogus. Adam and I really thought six months would be the extent of it. And then, we would have a baby nine months after that. But honestly, that was eighteen months ago. Now we are in two years of infertility. No baby and no miscarriages. I have never been pregnant.
I have, however, watched numerous wonderful women become mothers and also some of them become mothers twice over. I really am so happy for them! They are all such great moms! And I am so glad that they have their babies. And I do truly know some that have struggled and they are my inspiration :)
My obgyn was not going to look at me for infertility until my husband was ruled out. That was July 2013. Well, asking my husband to get tested is like pulling teeth. It wasn't until he tried to console me during last Thanksgiving about a "struggling" friend becoming pregnant. I had had enough when he told me "she had struggled." I lost it and looked at this man with the devil coming out of my eyes and stated, "not for two years!"
Well, needless to say, the rest of the car ride home was no picnic. And in the end, I cried. He cried. And he said the F-bomb, which Adam has never said in our relationship. I am the dirty word dropper. He did admit that it was selfish on his part not to go. I understand it was hard for him to think that he could be the reason that we couldn't have a baby and getting a test done to prove it wasn't something to take lightly.
I really thought and he, too, that it was him. Long days at work, stressful job, our sleep schedules opposite most of our marriage. But in September he transferred stores and we now sleep at the same time, which is really nice. He isn't as stressed either.
I never once thought I could be the reason. I am having regular periods and the ovulation kits are telling me that I am ovulating. But my obgyn called back three weeks ago to tell me everything looked great with Adam and he would not recommend him getting retested. I was so happy!! Adam was so relieved. My doctor said the next step was to go and have me tested a week before my period started, which was last Friday. Guess what though?! The lady that never shows up a week early, mostly late, showed up one week, one day early.
I was a wreck! I was in full force and the test he wanted me take was to see my hormone levels one week before my period. And here she was. One. Week. Early! EEK!!!
I still left work early on Friday with everyone still thinking I was going to the doctor.I haven't told anyone at work what Adam and I are going through. But really I just went home and cried. Cried to Adam. Cried to myself and felt as though God indeed is trying to let me know to give up becoming a mom to biological children.
The nurse called me back on the phone (since I had called to let them know my period started) to find out what day my period started so she could talk to the doctor. I really thought I was going to have to wait a whole another cycle. But I get to come go in tomorrow for a different test. I took the morning off and can't wait to go. I am really relieved and like my doctor.
I spent yesterday in bed super depressed with an eager husband that couldn't stay still. So our house got really clean. I know Adam is trying to be empathetic, but we all know that man can make babies. I just wish I could make one for him.
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