Why do I always have to work harder than others?

So this whole infertility thing is bogus. Adam and I really thought six months would be the extent of it. And then, we would have a baby nine months after that. But honestly, that was eighteen months ago. Now we are in two years of infertility. No baby and no miscarriages. I have never been pregnant.

I have, however, watched numerous wonderful women become mothers and also some of them become mothers twice over. I really am so happy for them! They are all such great moms!  And I am so glad that they have their babies. And I do truly know some that have struggled and they are my inspiration :)

My obgyn was not going to look at me for infertility until my husband was ruled out. That was July 2013. Well, asking my husband to get tested is like pulling teeth. It wasn't until he tried to console me during last Thanksgiving about a "struggling" friend becoming pregnant. I had had enough when he told me "she had struggled." I lost it and looked at this man with the devil coming out of my eyes and stated, "not for two years!"

Well, needless to say, the rest of the car ride home was no picnic. And in the end, I cried. He cried. And he said the F-bomb, which Adam has never said in our relationship. I am the dirty word dropper. He did admit that it was selfish on his part not to go. I understand it was hard for him to think that he could be the reason that we couldn't have a baby and getting a test done to prove it wasn't something to take lightly.

I really thought and he, too, that it was him. Long days at work, stressful job, our sleep schedules opposite most of our marriage. But in September he transferred stores and we now sleep at the same time, which is really nice. He isn't as stressed either.

I never once thought I could be the reason. I am having regular periods and the ovulation kits are telling me that I am ovulating. But my obgyn called back three weeks ago to tell me everything looked great with Adam and he would not recommend him getting retested. I was so happy!! Adam was so relieved. My doctor said the next step was to go and have me tested a week before my period started, which was last Friday. Guess what though?!  The lady that never shows up a week early, mostly late, showed up one week, one day early.
I was a wreck! I was in full force and the test he wanted me take was to see my hormone levels one week before my period. And here she was. One. Week. Early! EEK!!!

I still left work early on Friday with everyone still thinking I was going to the doctor.I haven't told anyone at work what Adam and I are going through. But really I just went home and cried. Cried to Adam. Cried to myself and felt as though God indeed is trying to let me know to give up becoming a mom to biological children.

The nurse called me back on the phone (since I had called to let them know my period started) to find out what day my period started so she could talk to the doctor. I really thought I was going to have to wait a whole another cycle. But I get to come go in tomorrow for a different test. I took the morning off and can't wait to go. I am really relieved and like my doctor.

I spent yesterday in bed super depressed with an eager husband that couldn't stay still. So our house got really clean. I know Adam is trying to be empathetic, but we all know that man can make babies. I just wish I could make one for him.

Fall will soon be Christmas!!!

So I am very in a happy spirit for Christmas!!! (and my birthday hasn't even made it this year!!) I am SO ready for Christmas. I am SO SO ready for hot cocoa. I am SO SO SO ready for snow. I am SO SO SO SO ready to give Mr. Adam his gifties! That's right! you heard me. I have already bought a ton of gifts for Mr. Adam, which is very very unusual. But let me tell ya'll, it. has. been. an. unusual. fall!

Look at that lady full of the Christmas spirit of giving.................

This Christmas spirit brought me to Target to buy some more presents. Actually, tWo trips to Target. The store that I love :) I bought one of my nieces her b-day present, which is the day after mine. And then I went back with Mr. Adam to return an ugly shirt I bought last week. Then went and bought more presents....hehehe!!! This lady is no grinch this year. Aren't ya'll proud?!?! Well, my fam-fam will be :)

Mr. Adam and I are  making my other niece felt food for Christmas. She is receiving a homemade kitchen from her mommy and daddy. Too sweet!! Her mommy LoVeS homemade gifts, so Mr. Adam and I found a way to help her enjoy our present to her daughter.

Check out that stack of felt!!! It costs only 34 cents, so naturally Mr. Adam and I spent over 7 dollars. But it will be well worth it :)

my first saturday

well, it has been four days since school has officially ended for the year. i am exhausted to say the least and today was the first day since august 8th, 2011 that i did not work on nor think about school. instead i went shopping with my high school bestie, kc.  she had a day without her baby boy, so she called me up and we went to the mall like we were teeny-boppers....although we felt sort of grown up.

here's my day:
7:20 fed wally and dixie (mr. adam's job...)
7:40 sort laundry
8:30 text from kc
9:00 first load of laundry
9:15 carefully watch dixie in the yard, so as not to have to chase her down the block
9:45 shower
10:23 read my book until it was time to go to kc's house
10:40 leave for kc's house
11:00 head to mall
11:15-1:49 shop our hearts out and play catch-up
2:00 grocery shop for po-tate-ooooss
3:00 go home
3:20 start laundry
5:30  finished cleaning up trout house which has been neglected for nine months....sorry mr. adam :(



right now i am folding laundry (well actually i am typing to you) and i look like this....

 aren't i loverly???? can you tell i worked hard today? 

 i actually cleaned trout house from top to bottom! mr. adam will be so proud of his wife! yes! come home honey, wally is so tired from securing the property. the squirrels are creating squirrel warfare against him.

watchdog wally and dawdling dixie

do you have a watchdog wally?

or how about a dawdling dixie?

















mr. adam went on a camp out with his friends for memorial day weekend and i have two sad pups on my hands. 

dixie has decided to be lazy and sad, which makes for a very cuddly friend.

while wally prefers to beef up the security here at the trout house by spending endless hours patrolling the neighborhood. i like to think it is for my safety, but i really think he is waiting for mr. adam to come home and scratch his itchy back. 

so how do you?

how do you transport your precious cargo home from the printshop?

this is how i roll.

nesting safely on the kitchen table awaiting to become stapled into lovely leveled readers for my firsties.

and the printshop lady thought i couldn't do it without a box....

where oh where has my big doggie gone???

this is our fence.

this is our dog, dixie.

guess who now thinks it is a fun game to jump over the fence???

here's a hint: not this little guy